Is born again virginity possible?
Born-again virginity is a term expressing the idea that after having had premarital sex, a person can be restored to virginity by a spiritual renewal, vowing to remain sexually pure until marriage and asking God for forgiveness. There are some women who have taken the idea of born-again virginity so far that they actually have had surgery to restore themselves to a physical "virgin" state. Yikes.
Where does this pressure and desire to become a "born-again virgin" come from? Certainly, there is a lot of shame to blame as well as fear of condemnation from other Christians or from God Himself. If you have had premarital sex, perhaps you fear that God will not accept you unless you take steps to become a "born-again virgin." It's a daunting task indeed because there is no way to change the past. The truth is, you will have still lost your virginity through premarital sex, no matter what you say. But do not fear; there is hope!
The shame and fear you feel about this should be of no concern because God offers His endless forgiveness and grace to everyone who asks with a sincere heart (1 John 1:9). There is nothing you can do that is so horrible that God cannot restore or forgive it. Don't try to restore yourself, for God has already restored you spiritually. Keep in mind that this grace doesn't mean we have license to do whatever we want (Romans 6:15). Paul asks the question in Romans 6:2, "How can we who died to sin still live in it?"
God has forgiven you.
The Bible says that when we are "born again", we're made into brand new creations. Our ugly, sinful old selves are dead and in the grave, and we have been given a new life by the Holy Spirit (2 Corinthians 5:17). What does that mean practically? It means that God has chosen to no longer remember the awful things we have done in the past (Jeremiah 31:34)—that includes losing virginity before marriage. Our sins are as far away from us as the east is from the west (Psalm 103:12). I tell you, there is absolutely, positively no doubt that God will forgive you for having sex before marriage. God's love for you cannot be shaken because of your past mistakes.
Now forgive yourself.
Even though our sins are no longer counted against us, they are still very real and carry with them the earthly consequences we have to face every day. Once an act is done, it's done. Therefore, unfortunately, it isn't really possible to say that you are a born-again virgin. Once a bone is broken, it cannot be unbroken—only healed. But the memory will always be there and, often, the pain that goes with it.
Fears that God won't forgive us for this sin usually stem from the guilty feelings that come with having had premarital sex and regretting it. But as I said, the power of God's forgiveness is crazy powerful. It may be easy to understand that fact in your head, but why does the heart not agree? Why do we still agonize about it? Because we can't forgive ourselves. Our emotions may trample us, which results in feeling like we're too bad to be forgiven. There are a few reasons why this happens.
Why it's so hard to forgive yourself.
The conscience speaks against forgiveness. The only thing our conscience understands is guilt and conviction. It knows nothing of grace and mercy—that is from God alone.
Satan is the "accuser of the brethren" (Revelation 12:10). The Enemy will do all he can to distract you from God's love and graciousness. But Satan is a liar and the father of lies (John 8:44). Once you recognize that he's trying to cripple you and cut you down with your own guilt, then it's easier to reject his lies. Cling to the promises of Scripture and truly believe that you have died to sin and no longer want to live that life. Begin to live for God (Romans 6:11), and Satan will have no power over you.
Consider the apostle Paul. You know the guy who wrote most of the letters in the New Testament? At one time, he was consumed with rage against Jesus and "breathing out murderous threats against the Lord's disciples" (Acts 9:1). He was full of blasphemy and ungodliness, yet God forgave him despite all of this and made Paul His chosen vessel to preach the Gospel to the whole world. Whoa. Talk about a 180-degree change!
God never required Paul to become a born-again anything other than a new believer in Jesus Christ. Paul says in 1 Corinthians 6:9-12 that although some of us were sexually immoral, idolaters, adulterers, male prostitutes, homosexual offenders, thieves, greedy, drunkards, slanderers, and swindlers, through the boundless goodness and free grace of God, we are washed from the stink and guilt of our sins.
We have been justified by the righteousness of Christ, sanctified by the Spirit of Christ, and totally decked out with the precious grace of Christ. We are now considered holy and perfect in the sight of God. Knowing that, how can we possibly hold onto our guilty feelings?
What's done is done. There is no changing it. However, rather than seeking born-again virginity, a Christian who has made the mistake of having premarital sex should commit himself or herself to God and to abstaining from having sex until his or her wedding night. Claiming born-again virginity is just not biblical. Believing wholeheartedly in God's total forgiveness and making the choice to live righteously and in ways that are pleasing to Him—that is definitely biblical.
Final Note: We feel compelled to also note here that if you have not chosen sex before marriage, but rather sex has been forced upon you, please talk to us or, better yet, a trusted adult at church, at school or at work. You are not alone, and what is happening to you is not right.
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