I grew up in a Christian home, and everyone saw me as a good Christian kid. I was eight when I first believed in Jesus and became a Christian. I finally seemed to be what people thought I was, but inside, I know I was changed.
I was innocent then, but when I was twelve, I started stumbling into sin. I knew it was wrong, but the fun was too good to resist. Lust was all I was. I couldn't go somewhere without staring at cleavage, legs, and feet that I found attractive.
My life of lust started with a four letter word in a Google search: "porn." One click away from sin. Without thought, I did it. And saw it. I still say it was fun at the time. But so is jumping off a cliff. Falling is fun. But the landing—not so much. After I was finished, I felt horrible and rotten. I felt like a worthless person. Salvation never happened, it seemed.
Weeks later, I did the same thing. Still felt guilty about it, but less than before.
Two years later, I had watched porn hundreds of times. No guilt before or after. I was desensitized to convictions of the Holy Spirit.
I tried to stop several times, but I never really wanted to.
A year ago, I gave my life to the Lord once again and made Him Lord of my life. At times, I find myself wanting to watch porn. If I am honest, I'll admit, at times, I still do.
I ask God to forgive me, and I know He has and will. For my sins, Jesus died. My years of watching porn was why Jesus died for me. At least, that's a part of it.
I really don't know why I decided to change. But I thank God that I did.
—Josh - age 16, 10th grade
