How can I convince my parents to let me date?

Seeing friends around us start dating and not being allowed to do so ourselves can give us some serious feelings of missing out on something special. Do you find yourself asking, "If it's OK for everyone else, why not me?"

Well, here's the thing: dating is not necessarily OK for all people at all times in their lives. Timing for these kinds of relationships is really dependent upon each individual and their own spiritual and emotional journey. There's no set age when it's "OK" to start dating for everyone. So much depends on the people involved and their unique circumstances.

The Extent of Our "Rights"

Even if you feel like you're 100% ready to date, as a young follower of Christ, it's important to respect your parent or guardian's house rules when it comes to dating. If they're telling you that you're not allowed to date right now, you must honor and obey that (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:1).

The only time you may disobey parental rules is if they're making you do something that causes you to sin (Acts 5:29). Since NOT dating is NOT a sin, then that would not be cause to go against what they say.

An Examination of the Heart

Whether your parents have given you permission to pursue a romantic relationship or if it's a decision between you and God, it would be wise to examine your heart first to determine if you're truly ready to date. Examining your heart will give you a lot of insights into your motivations and desires. Just as each person is different, each person is "relationship ready" at a different time in their life. So much depends on a person’s maturity, goals, and beliefs.

If you want to have a discussion with your parents about dating, this kind of examination can even give you specific talking points for that conversation. It'll show that you've given a lot of thought and consideration to the idea of dating right now.

Talking to Your Parents

Everybody's parents are going to have different ages and conditions for when their teens might be allowed to date or if they can date at all, as each person is different and has different maturity levels. Yes, it would be so much easier to have a set age for when we're allowed to have a romantic relationship, but, sadly, it doesn’t work that way.

That doesn't mean you can't talk to your parents about what you're feeling though. Respectfully ask them when they might allow you to date, what their conditions might be, and what their concerns are. Listen to their reasoning thoughtfully and try to understand where they're coming from.

Remember, even if you don't agree, you still must respect their decision. You don't have to say you agree with their reasons if you don't, but you DO need to agree to respect and obey their house rules. Before you know it, you'll be on your own, and the decision will be between you and God. Then you can make your choice from there.

The Benefits of Waiting

"Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect." —Romans 12:2

During this time of your life, you're figuring out who you are, and how you relate to the world. To add a relationship right now could be very difficult and complicate life even more. Some people are ready for marriage younger than others, while some wait until much, much later in life. There is no shame in waiting until you are spiritually and emotionally ready to commit to a lifelong partner in marriage. This isn't a time to make major mistakes.

Take time to discover the amazing, unique individual God you to be, and learn more about your place in the world. Develop and deepen your circle of friends—including all different kinds of people. Growing up and entering your teen and young adult years is an exciting, confusing, and seriously insane time. We get that. Emotions can be all over the place, and it can feel like the whole world is pressing you into their mold instead of letting you be who you want to be. Sometimes that mold screams, "You aren't loveable if you can't get somebody to love you." But let us assure you: that is a lie.

You're Worthy of Love

"For every child of God defeats this evil world, and we achieve this victory through our faith." —1 John 5:4 (NLT)

You are an incredible human being, my friend. You do not need to be dating to prove your value. You don't have to fit in with what the world tells you (Romans 12:2). God will help you overcome that standard that makes us think we have to date to be worthy of love (1 John 5:4).

That said, here's another reminder: You are never too young to build upon the foundation of your faith. Take these years in your life to focus on what you've learned in church or as you have read the Bible. Deepen your faith, exploring the Word, growing closer to God, and making your faith your own. Ask questions, talk to other believers of different ages, learn what you can. That foundation will serve you the rest of your life—no matter what friendships or relationships God brings your way.

"Let no one look down your youthfulness, but rather in speech, conduct, love, faith and purity, show yourself an example of those who believe." —1 Timothy 4:12