How can I forgive someone who betrays me?

Betrayal is one of the worst pains a person can encounter. For some, it's even worse than physical pain. If you have experienced betrayal, you already know this. It's a violation of a sacred trust that shakes your belief in that person (and sometimes humanity in general) to the core.

When a friend or loved one betrays us, it's as if everything is stripped away, and we're left vulnerable and exposed. I think it's why the most evil villains are the ones who betray the hero.

While it may seem impossible, God can and will help us overcome the pain of betrayal (Luke 1:37). Not only does our Lord and Savior want to give us freedom from this grief, He's no stranger to it Himself.

Jesus encountered the most treacherous betrayal in all of history when Judas betrayed Him to the chief priests for thirty pieces of silver (Matthew 26:15).

What's most mind boggling about this is that Jesus knew Judas would betray him (John 13:18), and yet He did not become vindictive or lose His temper. Instead He called Judas "friend" seconds before He knew He would be seized and taken away (Matthew 26:50). Hard as it is, this is a great example of how we should respond to betrayal.

When a Friend Betrays

The pain of betrayal can leave you in a fog, unsure what to do or where to go next, or if you can ever trust anyone again. This is when you should go to God in prayer. Everything may be confusing and emotionally-charged. Now's not the time to confront. So cry out God. Tell Him everything. Don't leave anything out. Give Him the whole story—not just the part you want to believe and tell yourself (or your friends). Tell Him all of it. He hears you. He knows what you're going to say already, so just say it.

Don't worry about offending Him or hurting His feelings either. God can handle anything you throw at Him.

"As for me, I shall call upon God, and the Lord will save me. Evening and morning at noon, I will complain and murmur, and He will hear my voice." —Psalm 55:16-17

Even though it is so, so tempting to take our pain out on our betrayer, we need to take our anger and put it at the foot of God's throne. Remember Jesus' example and how He taught.

"When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly." —1 Peter 2:23

Wanting Revenge is Natural but Not Beneficial

Our natural, gut response to betrayal is often to get revenge or to "get even." But God says that we should not "repay evil for evil" (Romans 12:17). Christ followers are called to be peacekeepers (Romans 12:18), and when we choose to forgive rather than seek retribution, that kind of action goes against what the world expects (Matthew 6:14-15).

To be clear, forgiving those who have hurt us doesn't excuse their behavior or say that it's OK for them to continue hurting us. Forgiving those who have sinned against us is for OUR benefit—not theirs. We can still learn from the situation and set boundaries while also letting go of our bitterness, grudges, and hate.

God knows everything that's going on, and He will right all wrongs in the end. Instead, pray that the person who betrayed you will understand God as you know Him. We have been saved and are loved unconditionally and undeservedly by God; our job is to show that love to others (Matthew 5:44)—even those who have hurt us.

"Beloved, never avenge yourselves, but leave it to the wrath of God, for it is written, 'Vengeance is mine, I will repay, says the Lord.'" —Romans 12:19

Forgiveness Frees Your Heart

Without forgiveness, bitterness takes root in your heart. I've seen people who have had bitterness stored up in their heart for years, and it eats away at them as truly as any disease. When you forgive your betrayer, you're not giving them a "pass," you're setting yourself free from holding onto that pain. You're exchanging a heart of anguished anger for one focused on God's love for you and taking that first step toward healing your pain.

Even though it's hard, we've been promised that all things are possible with God (Luke 18:27). The same God who loved you so much that He gave you the life of His only Son, loves you enough to take care of this hurt too. You can trust Him to hold your heart gently. Please know that He loves you enough to want the best for you.

"The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit." —Psalm 34:18

ALSO SEE: