“Understand this, my dear brothers and sisters: You must all be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to get angry.”
Do you know what horse bits, ship rudders, sparks in a forest, and the human tongue all have in common? They're all very small but have great power.
James, the half-brother of Jesus, wrote about the significance of small things (James 3:3-6). He explained that animals can be tamed, like a horse controlled by a bridle and bit, but no one can bridle or tame the human tongue.
He goes on to compare the words we say to a small spark that could ignite a whole forest fire (James 3:5). A careless word spoken by someone can arouse anger, deeply wound relationships, and separate close friends.
Practical Ways to Follow James 1:19
“Don’t use foul or abusive language. Let everything you say be good and helpful, so that your words will be an encouragement to those who hear them.”
Knowing how much trouble our words can cause helps us understand why it's so important to be wise with our words. Choose to be a good listener and get the whole story before jumping to conclusions, judging, or interrupting (Proverbs 10:9; Proverbs 17:27). We, as followers of Christ, ought to be wise with our words and exercise self-control over our emotions, temper, and knee-jerk responses.
Being a wise and patient listener gives us a chance to get the whole context of whatever's being discussed. Sometimes asking good questions can help us fully comprehend what the other person is saying so that we don't respond with assumptions, misunderstandings, or ignorance. We could ask clarifying questions like:
"What do you mean when you say [fill in the blank]?"
"Why do you think that?"
"I'm hearing you say [fill in the blank]. Is that correct?"
For example, the phrase "I'm going to take him out" means different things in different contexts. It could mean something as simple as going on a walk or outing with a friend, or a romantic date—or an assassination! If you knew I was talking about my dog, then you'd better understand which one I meant.
Why is it so hard to control my words?
“Since we are living by the Spirit, let us follow the Spirit’s leading in every part of our lives.”
While it may be easy to understand that being "quick to listen and slow to speak" is a good thing, that doesn't make it an easy thing to do all the time. Sometimes, we find ourselves quick to speak and slow to listen. We might make unfair judgments or form opinions without hearing the whole story or knowing the facts. That can lead to inaccurate conclusions, hurtful words, strong emotions, or wrong actions.
Maybe we find something particularly angering on social media, and rude words come to mind for the perfect comment comeback. At this point, we have to train ourselves to stop and think. Before we reply, stop and ask ourselves:
"Is this comment wise?"
"Does my attitude express genuine care for this human being?"
"How do these words shine God's goodness and light into the world?"
The Bible reminds us over and over to listen first, speak second, and control our anger. Memorizing and mediating on on those passages can help us in moments of anger (Psalm 119:11).
Consider the Consequences
“May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing to you, O Lord, my rock and my redeemer.”
Consider the consequences of what might happen by saying (or not saying) those words. If we're experiencing strong emotions, such as anger, it would be a good idea to step away from the situation or the screen—put down the phone and walk away.
Anger isn't always a bad thing, but we shouldn't let it control our words or actions. We need to be masters of our anger and choose a wiser response. Often, it's best to say nothing—especially with social media.
With friends and loved ones, we might need to excuse ourselves for awhile, with the promise that we'll discuss it later when we're not feeling as emotionally heated. If it's too late, and we've said things we shouldn't have, then it's important to repent of that behavior and seek forgiveness (James 5:16).
It's OK to Ask for Help
“Take control of what I say, O Lord, and guard my lips.”
Self-control isn't merely an act of fortitude—it's a fruit of the Holy Spirit in a believer’s life (Galatians 5:22-23). Having control over our words, thoughts, and actions doesn't always come naturally, but it can be practiced and refined with God's help (2 Timothy 1:7).
When you mess up (and we all will), don’t give up. Confess your sin to the Lord and ask forgiveness from those you’ve offended. God is there to help you.
The skill of listening benefits so many areas of our lives—whether it's sports, a job, school, or interacting with friends. We all want to be heard and understood by those around us, and we should show respect to others too by giving them the same courtesy.