“Because of the temptation to sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife and each woman her own husband.”
Taking control of our sexual urges is a really good, important practice—and not just for teens. We all face temptations and urges that threaten to control us if we don't figure out how to make them obedient to Christ through God's power and own self-control (2 Corinthians 10:5). And, yes, it's really difficult—especially when you have hormones and emotions flowing through you, seemingly unchecked.
The Truth About Sex
“Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.”
Sex is not sinful, nor is the desire for sex. God created sex for men and women in a loving, committed relationship. It's a gift that creates emotional intimacy, gives life by producing children, and helps marriages to start and stay strong (Hebrews 13:4).
When a husband and wife join with one other through sexual intimacy, a special one-flesh connection is formed, and that bond is a spiritual one. When people who are not married to one another have sex, that one-flesh connection harms them rather than bringing them together. Let me explain what I mean...
Sex Creates a Spiritual Bond
Have you ever used super glue to repair a broken object and accidentally super glued your fingers together? It nearly impossible to pull those fingers apart without ripping the skin off one or both fingers. And even then, the damage can be felt for days if not weeks.
Sex creates a similar (but stronger) bond in the heart. A bond this tight is awesome when you're married to that person for the rest of your life. When a person chooses to have sex with someone other than their spouse, however, irreparable damage happens when the sex is over (1 Corinthians 6:18-20).
Those two souls that were briefly glued together now rip apart, leaving both partners damaged. When someone has multiple sexual partners in casual sex relationships, it doesn't take long before that person begins to feel broken, no longer whole, because their heart has been torn apart so many times.
Why won't God let me have sex before marriage?
“For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality; that each one of you know how to control his own body in holiness and honor.”
Sometimes we think God doesn't want us to have sex outside of marriage because He doesn't want us to enjoy ourselves. Nothing could be further from the truth! The Bible says that God gives His children good gifts (Matthew 7:11) and withholds nothing good from them (Psalm 84:11).
God loves us too much to allow us to hurt ourselves with the effects of sex outside of its godly design. In other words, just like a parent would tell their child "no" to touching a hot stove or playing in the middle of a busy street, for fear of them being terribly hurt, God tells us "no" to sex before marriage because He knows that temporary fun will ultimately hurt us terribly.
Sexual sin is one of the most damaging sins, because it is a sin against our own selves. We often feel worthless and ashamed when confronted with our sexual sin, and God wants to protect us from that.
“To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion.”
When it comes to sex within marriage, God is freely giving and happy for us to enjoy the gift He has provided for married couples (1 Corinthians 7:3-5).
How can I control my sexual urges?
Even if we understand that sex is meant for marriage, that doesn't automatically stop our physical and emotional responses or keep sexual desires from growing within.
We all still face strong desires and temptations of a sexual nature sometimes. But what should we do with those feelings and desires when they arise?
Here are a few things that cn help us focus on righteousness and stay on God's path:
- Have a plan. We shouldn't wait until we're in the middle of an emotionally-filled, sexually-charged encounter to figure out how to obey God's Word. You'd be wise to think about it NOW, so that when you're faced with tempting situations, you have a plan already in place. God says He will provide an escape when we're tempted, but we need to be prepared to take it (1 Corinthians 10:13).
- Avoid emotionally-filled, sexually-charged situations. If you decide to date, make sure that it's with someone who shares your desire to wait for sex until after marriage. If they aren't on board with waiting, they aren't the one for you. Real love puts the other first and would never ask for their loved one to compromise their values for temporary pleasure (Philippians 2:3-4).
- Remember the "why" behind God's "no." It isn't "no forever," but rather, it's "wait until the time is right." Waiting won't harm your mind, body, spirit, or heart. When faced with sexual temptation, try looking at it as a hot stove—back away, don't touch, and you won't get burned (Matthew 26:41).
- Take your thoughts captive. In practicing self-control, we can take the impure thoughts that pop into our minds and hand them over to God (2 Timothy 1:7). If you're fantasizing about someone and becoming sexually aroused, that's a "hot stove" thought. Extinguish it, and ask God to help you think about other things. Dwelling on sinful thoughts is just a small step away from acting upon them (Proverbs 25:28). Don't dabble in sexual sin—even in your mind (Matthew 5:28; Philippians 4:8).
- Stay active, doing things that are beneficial and healthy. Boredom is a pitfall into sin (Ephesians 5:15-16). Maybe your friends sit around and talk about sex a lot, but you don't have to. Stay busy with better things such as school, sports, church, serving others, making art, or anything that helps you express your true self in a way that honors and glorifies God (1 Corinthians 10:31).
- Finally, slow down. Take time to read your Bible and talk to God about your life. Often, a desire for a boyfriend or girlfriend is merely an extension of our own loneliness. I know it sounds cliché, but God wants to be your closest friend. He wants you to know Him and all the cool plans He has for your life (Romans 8:28). You can't do that if don't take time with Him. Jesus often went to quiet places to pray and just rest with God. If we could follow His example, perhaps we too could gain peace and wisdom.
Remember, being tempted by sexual sin is not sinful. Facing temptation is a part of life. What we DO with that temptation is what really matters. If you have already struggled with sexual sin, confess it to God, and He will 100% forgive you (1 John 1:9). With practice and God's help, you CAN overcome those sexual temptations.
“No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it.”