Is it sinful to find someone attractive?

"You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I say to you that everyone who looks at a woman with lustful intent has already committed adultery with her in his heart." —Matthew 5:27-28

Do these words from Jesus mean we can't even look at a person we find attractive? Not exactly. Jesus was criticizing the legalistic habits of the religious leaders of the day. They were great at seeing the "letter of the law," which is what the law literally says, but they did not grasp the "spirit of the law," which is the intent behind the law.

When you find someone attractive and then find yourself looking for a bit longer than you normally would, do a check on your heart and your motives. Why are looking? Are you merely admiring their attractiveness? Or are you imagining them in a sexual manner?

Notice Jesus' words in that passage inm Matthew 5. He says that to look at a woman with the intent to lust is as bad as cheating on your spouse (or future spouse).

A simple glance or reasonable gaze at someone we find attractive is not a sin in and of itself. When we dive into lustful thoughts in our minds is when we have crossed over into sexual sin.

What does it mean to look lustfully?

"For lust is a shameful sin, a crime that should be punished. It is a devastating fire that destroys to hell. It would wipe out everything I own." —Job 31:11-12 (NLT)

In Matthew 5:28, the Greek word used for "lust" is epithymēsai, which, in this context, refers to an extended, yearning look, such as to cherish or embrace those sexual thoughts.

Some people like to take Jesus' words on adultery and manipulate the original Greek to switch "lust" with "covetousness." Thus, they try to argue that it's OK to have sexual thoughts about others—just as long as you don't "covet" or desire ownership of them. But that's not an accurate understanding of the word in this context. Even so, if that was the way this verse should be translated, our thoughts would still have to line up with Philippians 4:8, which would certainly prohibit lust.

"Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things." —Philippians 4:8

Lust is a very dangerous sexual sin. The Bible says that it is "a fire that consumes as far as Abaddon" (Job 31:11). Abaddon is the Hebrew word for "place of destruction." The best way to fight lustful thoughts is to refuse to entertain them as soon as they appear (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). If a fleeting sexual thought enters your mind when you see an attractive person, do not dwell on it, playing it over and over in your imagination. If possible, we should also be careful to avoid circumstances that provide us with temptations in our problem areas.

"The spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak." —Matthew 26:41

What about looking in a non-sexual way?

Look, it is totally natural to find beauty in another human being whom God has created. To acknowledge a person's attractiveness is not a sin, nor does it necessarily always lead to sexual sin. It's just fine if you have a crush or find someone attractive and want to consider a romantic relationship. Even a married person can easily acknowledge, "That person is attractive," without sinning. However, the line gets crossed as soon as we allow our minds to wander into a sexual situation with someone to whom we are not married.

As with all things, what we do with our emotions requires discernment. Guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23) and your eyes if necessary. Anyway, there's more to a person than their good looks (Proverbs 31:30).

Controlling your gaze toward someone you find attractive comes down to knowing your motives. If you're looking at images of pretty people and finding yourself tempted to fantasize or they're invoking sexual feelings, then it would be best to avoid them.

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body." —1 Corinthians 6:18-20

If you're simply admiring personal beauty and feeling no temptation to go further in your thoughts, then you're probably just fine. If you're truly not sure, ask God about it, and He'll help you sort out those thoughts and feelings (James 1:5).

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