What does it mean to honor my parents?

"Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you." —Exodus 20:12 (NLT)

The Bible says that if we honor our parents, we will live a long, full life (Exodus 20:12). That advice tells us how important our parents (or legal guardians) really are. We're also told to obey our parents (Ephesians 6:1-3), and that's slightly different from honoring them.

Honor vs. Obedience

Honoring someone is when you have an attitude of esteem for that person. If you look at the biblical words for "honor," all three lanuages agree on the most basic root definition: respect.

Showing honor to our parent or guardian means that we seriously consider their counsel, emulate their strengths, and treat them respectfully. Obedience basically means "to follow orders." Can you see how honor and obedience are different?

When we practice honoring and obeying our parents as kids, that can help us learn how to honor and obey God as we grow into adulthood (Psalm 103:17-18). The Bible commands godly parents to teach their children how to honor and obey their Creator too (Deuteronomy 11:19; Proverbs 22:6).

What if I don't want to honor my parents?

"My child, listen when your father corrects you. Don't neglect your mother's instruction." —Proverbs 1:8 (NLT)

We've probably all been there. It's common to have a difficult relationship with our parents while we're teens. As we get older, it's like we're waking up to the fact that our parents are just as much flawed human beings as we are. There have definitely been times in my life when I had no desire to give my parents honor or obedience. Half the time, they don't seem to even understand our generation, but that doesn't make them any less intelligent or wise.

Just because your parents make mistakes and can't always understand everything about you, your interests, or what you're doing, they can still have useful knowledge that could help you in life. After all, they do have more life experience than their teenage kids—even if that life experience is a bit different from ours.

If our parents aren't Christians, we can still honor them, and they can still know a lot about life that we don't. Abusive parents are another thing. Seeking help and escaping an abusive environment is not dishonoring one's parents. If you're being harmed by your parent or guardian, you are NOT required to stay or let them continue the abuse.

What if I don't want to obey my parents?

"We must obey God rather than any human authority." —Acts 5:29 (NLT)

While believers are commanded to "submit" to earthly authorities (Romans 13:1), we do have one caveat. When religious authorities reprimanded Peter and the apostles for preaching the gospel of Christ, they boldly responded, "We must obey God rather than any human authority" (Acts 5:29). It was more important to obey God's command to share the gospel (Matthew 28:19-20) than it was to obey the government's command to stop talking about Jesus (Acts 5:28-32).

If we apply this to the parent-teen relationship, then it would be biblical to say that if our parents ever "ordered" us to do something that goes against God's law, then we're allowed to say no. In fact, refusing to sin is what God wants you to do. Just remember that we can't use this caveat as an excuse for neutral, non-moral, or non-sin issues.

How the Parent-Child Relationship Changes

All of us need to honor and obey our parents while we're living under their authority and care. But once a child becomes an adult by age and no longer under their parents' care (such as when they've moved out permanently), then their biblical responsibilities to their parents will change.

Once we're adults, living independently, we're no longer required to obey whatever our parents say. We can (and should) still honor them, but we don't necessarily have to take all their life advice. Honoring our parents as adults means that we at least consider their guidance—even if we ultimately don't choose to follow through with what they say.

There will be times when our parent or guardian will be insufferably annoying. Though, to be fair, we ALL have a tendency to be annoying. LOL Regardless, it's always our responsibility to control our responses and continue honoring them. Try to look past all their shortcomings or old-fashioned ways, and consciously choose to show them honor.

"Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other." —Romans 12:10 (NLT)