EDITOR'S NOTE: We acknowledge that not all parents act in godly ways. There may be abusive, neglectful, or toxic behavior in many households, and survivors need to maintain strict physical, spiritual, and emotional boundaries to stay safe and break patterns of abuse. Those boundaries should be instigated with humility and respect, because even bad parents are made in the image of God (James 3:9). If you're dealing with abusive parents, please read this one.
The Bible doesn't actually mention "respecting" our parents with that word. But the principle of treating our parents with respect is implied in other biblical principles about honoring and obeying them.
What Honor Means
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other.”
"Honoring" someone means giving value to that person and treating them with the dignity they deserve, not for what they have done, but as part of God’s creation and plan. Honor is directly connected to respect, and the formula for honor shows us how to treat our parents.
Regardless of our parents' behavior and character, we are supposed to give them honor (Exodus 20:12). Because of their priceless roles as mother and father, we should give them attention and esteem.
What Obedience Means
“Children, obey your parents because you belong to the Lord, for this is the right thing to do.”
If we're living with our parents or guardians, obedience is one of the ways we show them respect (Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20). Obeying our parents is a part of practicing the same obedience we ought to give our Heavenly Father.
The Bible instructs godly parents to teach their children God's ways and to expect obedience (Deuteronomy 6:4-8; Proverbs 22:6). And godly parents ought to teach by example with mutual respect for their kids.
If what they're asking is morally and spiritually good or neutral, we should listen and obey—regardless of if we like what they're asking. The only instance where disobedience is acceptable is if our parent asks us to do something that causes us to sin (Acts 5:29).
How the Parent-Child Relationship Changes
Of course, as we get older, but before we're out on our own, respecting our parents can often get harder. They may not see that we're becoming our own person. They may not acknowledge that we want or need more independence. Yet, respect is still absolutely necessary. Most of the time, parents are just doing the best they know how, so try to give them some grace.
If you feel like your parents aren't letting you spread your wings enough or dismissing your faith, a respectful conversation is much better than fighting or rebellion. Respectful behavior is commanded by God, and rebelling against them for no good reason is a sin. Not to mention that choosing to have a respectful conversation rather than going in for an attack shows you've been learning and taking their guidance to heart.
Adults living on their own no longer need to OBEY their parents, but they still need to HONOR them and consider their counsel in a respectful way (Proverbs 23:22). Keeping in touch with your parents after you move out is another way to honor and respect them.
Refusing respect leads to bitterness on both sides (Hebrews 12:15), which isn't healthy for anyone. As long as the relationship is positive, let them stay in your life—especially as they age. Older parents have increasing needs, and adult children should be aware and be prepared to help meet those needs if possible.
A healthy relationship between a child and their parent is an irreplaceable one to be treasured. Our parents deserve respect and honor—even if they've failed us in some ways—because they are creations of God and have been given a special part to play in our lives.