Why are Christians against premarital sex?

"Because there is so much sexual immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman should have her own husband." —1 Corinthians 7:2 (NLT)

Questions about sex are difficult ones to answer in today's world of lust-based advertising, sexy images that promote even the most mundane products, and media across the internet that tells us sex isn't a big deal.

While God did design human beings to express their love for one another sexually (Matthew 19:5; Mark 10:7), that doesn't mean it's the only or even the best way.

Can we agree that having sex with random people we just met is a bad idea? And the Bible takes it a little further than that, saying that a couple who only has the intention of getting married, should still maintain sexual purity before their wedding night.

Why Trust is Vital

"Let no one split apart what God has joined together." —Mark 10:9 (NLT)

Sex, no matter who it's with, is a special bond between two people, making them "one body" (Mark 10:6-9; 1 Corinthians 6:15-16). There's a high level of vulnerability we must be willing to consent to in a sexual relationship—for both men and women.

So it's important that we fully trust the person we're opening our bodies and hearts to. To become vulnerable with someone we don't know well or trust, who doesn't respect physical boundaries, or who isn't committed to us for life is to risk unnecessary pain and heartbreak (2 Timothy 2:22). That's why the Bible instructs us to only have sex in the context of a consensually committed, trusting, marital union.

Marriage Before Sexual Sin

"If they can't control themselves, they should go ahead and marry. It's better to marry than to burn with lust." —1 Corinthians 7:9 (NLT)

One of the core tenants of biblical relationships is sexual purity (1 Peter 1:14). Even if you're in a loving relationship, if you have not yet committed to one another in marriage, then physical intimacy is deeply restricted. Temptations happen. Break-ups happen. And you really never know what the future will bring in uncommitted romantic relationships.

If you're committed to one another (but not married), and neither one of you can control the sexual temptations, then the Bible advises that you go ahead and commit (1 Corinthians 7:8-9). Marry the one you love, then you may both fulfill your passions in a god-honoring way. After all, God has lordship over our bodies and our souls, and we must respect that (1 Corinthians 6:12-20).

Sex & Marriage

"As the Scriptures say, 'A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.'" —Ephesians 5:31 (NLT)

Marriage is, at its very essence, a way for a husband and wife to worship God. When two people are married, they become one body, functioning together to give glory to God—metaphorically and physically (Ephesians 5:31). The couple also "becomes one" when they create a child, as conceiving a baby is very literally two people genetically making one body (or more in the case of a multiple births).

Premarital sex shows an impatience and disrespect to oneself and their spouse-to-be. To tell your prospective husband or wife that they're worth waiting for will actually strengthen your relationship and act as a profession of your commitment to that person.

A Story of Premarital Sex

I had a friend who had dated someone for three years and thought he was "the one." They ended up giving in to sexual temptations, though neither of them thought it would matter because they were in love. They wanted to get married someday when they were a little more financially stable.

Over time, their lives led them in different directions. He broke up with her, and she was heartbroken. She felt like she had given him everything, yet somehow it wasn't "enough" to make him stay and work things out. She was left feeling worthless, used, and grieving the loss of her imagined future. No, this doesn't happen to everyone, but it's more common than not.

The Thing About Sexual Temptations

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." —1 Corinthians 6:18

God is trying to protect us by telling us to marry the partner we want to commit to for life. He wants us to live fulfilled and joyful lives, and sexual purity is a part of that. Sin always has an effect on our lives and our relationship with God—and sexual sin can carry with it long-lasting consequences (1 Corinthians 6:18).

Feelings of sexual pleasure are, well, pleasurable. And maintaining sexual purity when we have no other outlet can be really, really difficult (Galatians 5:17). Why do our bodies rebel against our minds when it comes to sexual purity? Matthew 26:41 says that "the spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak."

God did design sex to be pleasurable, which is why our bodies desire it. At the same time, sex is such an intimate connection, it is only to be enjoyed in the context of marriage between a husband and wife (1 Corinthians 6:9, 13; 2 Timothy 2:22.)

Consequences of Sexual Sin

Breaking Biological Bonds

The act of sex makes our bodies release hormones that aren't released in any other situation. Once you start having sex with someone, your brain begins to create markers that associate these hormones with that person. This is one of the strongest bonds to an outside force that the human brain ever creates. God created marriage to last (Malachi 2:16). Through the act of martial sex, a couple creates that lasting bond emotionally, physically, and spiritually.

Making Break-ups Harder

Breaking up with someone you've had sex with will hurt exponentially more than if you can part as friends. Once you've been at your most vulnerable with a person, a failed relationship will feel even more crushing and painful. The many bonds you've made are difficult to resolve when the good feelings leave with the person. Sex within a godly marriage removes the risk of loss and pain due to a break up.

Unwanted Pregnancy or STI

No matter how confident you are in your birth control methods, there is ALWAYS a chance of contracting an STI (sexually-transmitted infection) or even creating a child. Contraception sometimes fails. Medications don't always do their job.

If you and your partner are not completely ready to bring a child into the world, then sex can be very risky. Creating a child should be a beautiful, welcome, God-honoring act—not the reason for a shotgun wedding, the unthinkable consideration of an abortion, or just a pair of unmarried teenagers who are now faced with something they should never have to deal with at that age.

God Forgives When We Ask

"If we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness." —1 John 1:9 (NLT)

When a Christian has premarital sex, or when one who has lost their virginity accepts Christ, the Holy Spirit convicts that person of their sin. They will grieve over it, and hopefully repent from that behavior. There is no sin too great that God will not forgive it and cleanse us from "all unrighteousness" (1 John 1:9). He will restore every person from their painful past (Joel 2:25) and make them into a new creation (2 Corinthians 5:17; Colossians 3:10).

God desperately, passionately loves us, and He gave us the Bible to help guide us into having creative, beautiful, productive lives. He doesn't want to make us do things just for the sake of doing them. He truly knows what's good for each and every one of us individually.

When He tells us not to have sex outside of marriage, He isn't saying it to make you miss out on the enjoyment of sex. He says it because He knows your heart, your biological makeup, and that sex outside of marriage is not what is best for anyone in any sense. Trust that the God who created you—and loves you enough that He even knows the number of hairs on your head—knows what's best for you (Proverbs 3:5-6).