Dating and courting could be viewed as basically the same thing—just with different terms. "Courtship" is generally viewed as pursuing a relationship with the full intention to marry the other person. "Dating" is viewed as more casual and usually wrapped up in a simple series of romantic encounters (both emotional and physical).
Before we get into this though, we've gotta throw out the reminder that if your parents have told you that they do not want you to date yet, then you must respect their rules. Colossians 3:20 says, "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord." That said, let's take a look at what the Bible says about romantic relationships.
The Bible does not actually mention the terms "dating" and "courtship," so it's important that we define these before moving forward—using biblical principles about relationships. That'll help us understand what's up with this touchy subject.
First things first, let's separate how the world views dating from how God wants us to handle the period of time before a couple gets married. According to 2 Peter 2:18-20, God's way is totally contradictory to the way the world says unmarried couples should act.
The world is constantly sending a message of "try before you buy" when it comes to dating. The world says that dating whomever you want is totally fine. That kissing whomever you want is fine. That physical intimacy is a part of the dating process. That sex before marriage is necessary to see if you're physically compatible. The world says that living together before you're married is completely normal because, well, how else would you find out if your boyfriend's/girlfriend's habits are too annoying to live with?
Sadly, this is a very self-centered way of entering into a relationship. When our biggest motivation is pleasing ourselves—not loving and serving another person—the relationship will ultimately lead to disaster. Even very well-meaning, God-loving Christian couples can fall into the trap of selfishness when it comes to relationships.
God's view of romance is quite different from the world's view. For one thing, physical attractiveness should not be our first priority. God examines the heart of every person (1 Samuel 16:7) and so should we. He wants us to first discover a person's innermost character, who they really are when no one is looking, before we decide to make a commitment to them.
Does the person strengthen your relationship with Christ, or do they compromise your morals and standards? Has the person accepted Christ as their Savior (John 3:3-8; 2 Corinthians 6:14-15) or are they an unbeliever? Is the person committed to becoming more like Jesus (Philippians 2:5) or do they lead a selfish life? Do they respect your physical boundaries or do they always ask for more? Does the person show love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control, which are the fruit of the spirit (Galatians 5:22-23)?
In biblical marriage, the husband and wife are equally subject to God's authority. When you've mutally decided to commit yourself to a relationship with someone you love, before marriage, remember to keep God as the most important Person in your life (Matthew 10:37). You should never place anything or anyone over God because that is considered the sin of idolatry (Galatians 5:20; Colossians 3:5). Even if you mean very well and love the person unconditionally, God should always be the most important relationship of your life. Strange as it sounds, having God as the focus of your life will help you to love that other person even better.
In dating or courting relationships, maintaining sexual purity is of utmost importance. Just like so many gifts God has given humankind, the gift of sex has been twisted and abused by the world. Just because something feels good, that doesn't mean we get to do it whenever we want, however we want, and with whomever we want. We, as believers in Jesus, have been given so much grace, and therefore, we're expected to follow Christ's example of holiness (1 Peter 1:14-15).
Not only is sexual immorality a sin against God, but it's also a sin against our own bodies (1 Corinthians 6:18). Respect yourself and the one you love by honoring them the way God intends us to honor others (Romans 12:9-10).
Dating or courting or whatever you want to call it can be a great way to solidify an already super strong, loving friendship and begin to build a solid foundation to prepare for marriage. If both your parents have given their blessing, God is at the center of both your motivations, and you are both ready to step it up, then this could be a perfect time to move toward something more than "just friends." In other words, if you're ready to shoot for a lifelong, God-honoring union with your best friend, then that is when you know it's time to start a romance (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5).
Dating and courting are basically the same thing, but their perceived intent differs. "Courtship" is generally viewed as pursuing a relationship with the full intention to marry the other person. "Dating" is viewed as more casual and usually wrappedad up in a series of emotional/physical romantic encounters. God's view of romance is different from the world's view. He wants us to first discover a person's innermost character before we decide to make a commitment of the heart. Dating/courtship can be a great way to solidify a strong friendship and begin to build a solid foundation for marriage. Through it all, remember to keep God as the most important person in your life (Galatians 5:20; Colossians 3:5), never a romantic interest.
Cat is the web producer and editor of 412teens.org. She is known as "412teens" on the 412teens Discord. She loves audiobooks, feeding the people she cares about, and using Christmas lights to illuminate a room. When Catiana is not cooking, gardening, or practicing creativity, she enjoys spending time with her two kids, five socially-awkward cats, and her amazing friend-amily.
