From a Real Questioner: "This sounds stupid, but I have a hard time feeling self-worth when guys don't like me. I don't get noticed by anyone. I love God and I don't want to be promiscuous or anything like that, but I feel like something is wrong with me because no guys like me."
Answer for Everyone: If you relate to this questioner, let me start with this: I assure you that you do not sound stupid. At all.
I also want to affirm that, yes, this is hard, and it's OK to admit, "Hey, this bothers me!" When it seems like you are invisible to the opposite gender, it is even harder to not have your next thought be, "There must be something wrong with me." You are not alone in that struggle. There are a lot of young people (and even adults) who are going through the same thing you are.
Women (and men!) get bombarded daily with the message that their worth is based solely on their desirability. Movies, TV, ads, even the church, can fail us in this matter. We are told, over and over, that unless someone wants us, nobody ever will. But here is the good news: GOD does not view our worth based on our desirability. He does not place our value in our beauty, how nice we are, or if we can bake a pumpkin pie. Your value is intrinsic.
We all have insecurities about our value. How do you deal with those insecurities? Each time your mind starts to make the connection that the problem is you being valued less, remind yourself that God views you as worthy enough to send His son to die for (John 3:16). Those who grew up in the church hear that a lot: "Jesus died for you." But really let that sink in for a minute. Jesus DIED. For YOU. If you were the only person He had to save, He would have STILL died for you.
And what makes that even more amazing? God knows everything about you. EVERYTHING. Every sin, every insecurity, every anxiety, every imperfection. And even still, He thought you were worth the sacrifice of His only Son. So it's not like God only knows the shiny "best version" of you. He sees everything—the good, the bad, the ugly—and yet His eyes still see a young woman or man who is made of the highest possible value, the value of Jesus' life.
I know, you may be thinking, "Okay, but why can't THEY see me that way?" I wish I had an answer for why those of the opposite gender in your life don't seem to see you. I've had this conversation with many lovely and wonderful women, and I don't understand why some seem invisible. But I can tell you that regardless of what "dramatic transformation" stories in the media tell you, that lack of interest does NOT mean there is something wrong with you. It doesn't even necessarily mean the people in your life are not good ones.
For whatever reason, some of us (and yes, I am including myself in this) don't get the same kind of attention as others. Please just believe me when I say, as much as that hurts, this situation has ZERO reflection upon your personal value. NOTHING can take away your value.
Know your value and know that, even if you don't have people lining up to date you or falling all over you with adoration, you can still do ANYTHING. You are NOT limited by your relationship status—not now, not ever.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." —Romans 8:38-39
Heidi Joelle is a transaction coordinator by day and a writer, editor, and reader by night. She can be coaxed from the house by the sound of a good adventure or traveling somewhere new. Her sidekick Smokey the Saint Bernard is rarely far off, usually pretending he's asleep.