Am I pretty or ugly?

Awhile back, there was this...thing...going on. Ten to fifteen year old girls were filming themselves, looking directly into the camera, and asking the terrifying, heart wrenching question, "Am I pretty or ugly?" This was such a horrifying trend, with literally hundreds of thousands of such videos on YouTube alone.

Content with the same sentiment is still posted today—even if they don't ask that question directly. And then there are the trolls who answer the question regardless of whether they've been asked. Makes me wonder why anyone posts their face on the internet at all. But that's kind of the world we live in right now, isn't it?

Don't Ask the Internet

"A fool's lips walk into a fight, and his mouth invites a beating. A fool's mouth is his ruin, and his lips are a snare to his soul." —Proverbs 18:6-7

My first response to these videos was utter astonishment. To ask a billion strangers about your personal beauty is like walking into a massive bat cave with an armful of plump, delicious mice. You're opening yourself up to attack. Those strangers, who could not care less about the heart of a young person, will leave gashes and rips in your self-esteem for the rest of your life.

While kind and honest people exist in pockets on the internet, those kinds of communities are a rare thing indeed. The faceless internet is more likely to cruel and thoughtless and sexually objectify young people—as if all that matters about a person is their appearance. As if there's nothing more to a human being than their body.

Not to mention that, in the end, those comments are absolutely meaningless. Who cares what some random commenter thinks about you? Does their opinion really matter that much? Do yourself a favor and protect yourself as best you can from the prying eyes and opinions of strangers (Proverbs 4:23).

Your Worth is Inherent

"The Lord doesn't see things the way you see them. People judge by outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart." —1 Samuel 16:7 (NLT)

If we base our self-worth on external things like other people's opinions, we're setting ourselves up for disappointment. Even when we have good friends and loved ones who genuinely care about us, sometimes there's a temptation to keep "working" to maintain that approval. Then, when we inevitably fail, we seek more ways to build ourselves up, and the cycle begins again.

If we base our self-worth on how God sees us, we'll have a more solid foundation for WHY we're invaluable our Creator. God's love for us never changes (Hebrews 13:8). We are uniquely made creations, that God has deemed 100% worth dying for (John 3:16).

Overcoming Our Own Mind Games

"The heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately sick; who can understand it?" —Jeremiah 17:9

While it's true that God loves you and made you uniquely in every way, I know that sometimes that doesn't feel like "enough" to fix a broken heart. Our brains can't always comprehend our inherent value.

The reality is that it's hard being young in a world where everyone is watching. It's hard to avoid comparing ourselves to our friends, to celebrities, or to anybody else who might have anything that we don't. It's human nature to be tough on ourselves and create unrealistic expectations that we struggle to meet. We will never live up to our own expectations because we will always, always, always find flaws in ourselves. I get that. It's easy to feel like an outcast or an awkward weirdo.

We can change our appearances or our style or hobbies or whatever, but none of that will change our hearts unless we allow it to happen. There is so much more to every human being than what's on the outside or how we align with modern culture.

Remember that you have passions, interests, things you geek out about, things you're really good at, and kindnesses that matter. And none of those things are affected by your looks. Along with God, you have people who also value and love you just the way you are today—and through all your growth and changes. That is the mindset we must remind ourselves of when the lies we tell ourselves try to convince us otherwise.

Learning to Change Perspective

Here's a key concept: Perception of personal beauty is almost fully dependent upon attitude and perspective. Let's take the focus away from ourselves for a moment so we can illustrate this...

Have you ever noticed how your best friend suddenly seems so beautiful after you've been friends with them for a long time? How that fellow student you crushed on gets cuter and cuter the longer you think about them? Likewise, that kid who bullies everyone has the ugliest face when they're putting someone down.

Why does this happen? Because our perception of a person changes based on how we feel about them. It's the same deal with yourself. If you hate yourself, you will never see yourself as lovable. If you think you're useless, you'll be blind to your own true potential. So how do we look at ourselves in a more positive light?

I wish I could give you some magic words or a 12-step plan that would help get you out of the frustrating funk of self-loathing. I wish I could offer you more than just these words. I wish I could look you in the eyes and tell you everything awesome about you. (Because I know there's plenty to say!) But I understand that even that would probably not be enough on some days.

This is going to be a process of rediscovering your true value, true worth, and true potential—of prioritizing your mental health and peace. It's not going to happen overnight, but rather, through a series of choices to reject the lies and embrace the truth—that you are worthy of existence. You are worthy of love. And you matter.

God Helps Us Start Over

"The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed. The righteous person faces many troubles,but the Lord comes to the rescue each time." —Psalm 34:18-19 (NLT)

The brokenness in your heart is a wound that only God can fill. Forget what happened in the past, and remember that you are a new creation in Christ (Philippians 3:13-14; 2 Corinthians 5:17).

Ask God to show you your true unique value and worth in His eyes (Matthew 10:29-31). Ask the Holy Spirit to change your perspective on yourself. The Psalms have many great examples of these kinds of prayers.

"Let me hear joy and gladness; let the bones that you have broken rejoice. Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me. Cast me not away from your presence, and take not your Holy Spirit from me. Restore to me the joy of your salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit." —Psalm 51:8-12

The flesh and bones you exist in and the roles you play in this life are merely a part of the earthly robes you wear during your visit to this physical world. You belong to a spiritual world, and one day, you will return to the place where you were meant to be (Galatians 5:16; Revelation 21:3-4).

In the meantime, give yourself permission to reject the lies. Embrace a renewed perspective about who you are. You have a reason for being alive, as evidenced by the fact that God chose to bring you into this world (Philippians 1:21). Your life has real meaning and purpose (Luke 10:27)—no matter your appearance, status, or circumstances.

"What is the price of two sparrows—one copper coin? But not a single sparrow can fall to the ground without your Father knowing it. And the very hairs on your head are all numbered. So don't be afraid; you are more valuable to God than a whole flock of sparrows." —Matthew 10:29-31 (NLT)

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