How do I honor my unbelieving parents?

EDITOR'S NOTE: Our guidance here is for teens of parents who have not accepted Christ and are non-abusive. If you are in an abusive or toxic situation, please prioritize your safety by getting in touch with a trusted adult or authority who can help you.

God created families to be a beautiful extension of His image and nature. Unfortunately, sin has damaged the family structure in ways that can only be redeemed by Christ. Many people have parents who do not share the same beliefs as their kids—whether socially, relationally, politically, or in faith practices and values.

Some parents may even be hostile about these differences or the fact that their kid has chosen to be a Christian. How can we respond to unbelieving parents in a respectful and honoring way that glorifies Christ within us?

What Honor Means

"Honor your father and mother. Then you will live a long, full life in the land the Lord your God is giving you." —Exodus 20:12 (NLT)

Biblically, to be honorable is to hold ourselves to a high moral standard, to be considered trustworthy and respectful, and to be regarded as a person with integrity. If we are to be honorable, we need to treat our parents honorably. That is, we treat them respectfully and honestly and acknowledge their position as our parents.

Although we may disagree with our parents, we should seek to honor them with respect, kindness, and honesty (Exodus 20:12; Ephesians 6:1)—regardless of how dismissive or emotionally hostile they are to us or our God. We don't have to agree with their beliefs or practices to honor them. We should still choose to be respectful—regardless of whether they "deserve" it.

Obedience to Authority

"We must obey God rather than men." —Acts 5:29b

God is our ultimate authority (1 Corinthians 10:31), which means our obedience ought to be to God first and foremost. Although God has placed our parents as authorities over us, it is HIS authority that supersedes all others. To obey God first may mean making the hard choice to displease our parents out of reverence for our Heavenly Father.

We can respectfully disagree with our parents' views. We can also respectfully decline to obey their requests to do things that go against our personal convictions. Lastly, we can respectfully defend our God and our beliefs—although this is often a hard balance to pull off!

How to Respectfully Disagree

Let's say that whenever you bring up the subject of God or faith, your atheist parent scoffs at or mocks you for your beliefs. Getting into an arguing match may be tempting, but to do so is likely to cause more harm than any positive change (Proverbs 15:1).

Unbelievers are more likely to appreciate respectful, godly behavior than hostile arguments. While you should certainly be prepared to defend your faith (1 Peter 3:15), you should ultimately love your parents through actions (1 John 3:18; Matthew 19:19). Be polite, truthful, and humble towards them—even if they aren't returning politeness, truthfulness, or kindness towards you.

Love Like Jesus

"So we have come to know and to believe the love that God has for us. God is love, and whoever abides in love abides in God, and God abides in him." —1 John 4:16

Loving your parents through adversity means following the example of Jesus. Throughout the New Testament, Jesus faces many broken relationships. His own childhood community rejected Him when He went there to teach (Mark 6:1-6). They even tried to throw Him off a cliff (Luke 4:29)!

Despite all the abuse, abandonment, and betrayal He experienced during His life on earth, Jesus demonstrated agape love by sacrificing His life for the very people who hurt Him. Christ's example of love should compel us to extend love toward others—including our parents (2 Corinthians 5:14)—even when it might be so SO hard to do.

How to Love Despite Disagreements

"Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth. Love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things." —1 Corinthians 13:4-7

The Bible gives us a pretty clear picture of what biblical love looks like (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). When we share our faith and beliefs with our parents, are we patient? When they reject what we say, are we kind to them in response? Does our expression of love for our parents endure even through times of devastation or hardship?

Many of us have experienced the very division in our families that Jesus warned about in Matthew 10:34-26. He talks about how families will turn against one another due to matters of faith in Him—that our enemies would be found in our own homes. One of Satan's schemes is to disrupt communities, families, and friendships (Ephesians 6:12; 2 Corinthians 4:4). And we don't have to let him win that battle.

Despite our weakness, God is strong (1 Corinthians 1:25). We ought to diligently pray for our unbelieving parents to see the light of the Gospel of Christ (2 Corinthians 4:4; 1 Peter 3:15) and for us grow in wisdom and spiritual maturity (James 1:5; Galatians 5:22-23).

Blessed are the Persecuted

"Blessed are you when others revile you and persecute you and utter all kinds of evil against you falsely on my account. Rejoice and be glad, for your reward is great in heaven." —Matthew 5:11

Our lives are a part of the spiritual house God is building on the foundation of Jesus—and not everyone will accept Him as their "cornerstone" (1 Peter 2:1-12). If it's our loved ones who reject Him, it can be heartbreaking to watch. How devastating to be rejected by the very people you're desperate to reach with God's love and truth. But Jesus has already won (John 16:33).

The next time your faith is dismissed or berated, choose to respect your parents—even in heated times of disagreement or difference in convictions. Show patience and kindness toward them—even if it feels like they don't "deserve" it. Above all, pursue loving them with the agape love that God has loved us with.

God sees you (Psalm 34:15). He is aware of your pain (Psalm 56:8). He is your Heavenly Father—who has already accepted you into His family.

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God." —2 Corinthians 1:3-4

ALSO SEE:

• How can I be honorable?
• What does it mean to honor my parents?
• How can I honor an abusive parent?
• What does the Bible say about respecting your parents?
• What does the Bible say about obedience?
• When We Disagree on Religion
• When Parents Won't Let Their Kids Preach
• Why do people reject Christ as their Savior?
• How can I get over feeling rejected?
• How do I stand up for myself in a godly way?