How do I silence the hateful voices in my head?
CW: eating disorders, body image, suicide, depression
Sometimes the hateful voices in our heads are absolutely vicious, ripping apart our sense of personal value, identity, and character. They condemn us like a judge who's "fed up" with our failures. Other times, the hateful voices are quieter, more like intrusive thoughts, but just as damaging to how we view ourselves.
The Hateful Voices in My Head
I was eleven years old when it happened. I was standing in front of a mirror, wearing my ballet leotard and favorite hot pink shirt. I had worn this exact outfit so many times and felt confident and careless. But that day, when I looked in the mirror, a hateful inner voice attacked my reflection.
A rush of horror and disgust overwhelmed me. In my eyes, I did not see a little girl—I saw a hideous monster. I clearly recall the words that began to dismantle my body image and, eventually, my sense of self-worth.
"I can't believe you look like this. Look at those arms, those legs, and worst of all...that face. You are so big and ugly. But if you obey everything I say, I'll show you how to fix yourself."
What Happened When I Listened
So I "obeyed" the voice. I started working out relentlessly, counting calories, and trying to survive a whole day off a sandwich, then a few pretzels...then nothing at all. I had no idea I'd developed an eating disorder until it was too late. For the next eleven years, I continued to wrestle with this voice, obsessing about numbers concerning my body, scrutinizing anything I consumed, and judging my appearance in ways I would never judge anyone else.
Other hateful voices crowded my mind: "You'll never amount to anything. You're worthless. If you don't excel at this, then your life has no meaning."
In college, I did everything I could to "earn" my value, but nothing I did seemed to change how much I hated myself. I trained to become an excellent singer, but when I made the slightest mistake, I felt like the worst performer. I stayed up late and studied hard, but with every point below a perfect score, I felt like the worst student. As those harsh voices became louder, angrier, and more condemning, overwhelm and isolation consumed me. I sat in my room alone, contemplating suicidal thoughts.
What Stopped the Hateful Voices
Truth. God's truth stopped the voices.
During my senior year in college, the fallout of a broken relationship finally got me in front of a Christian counselor. I'd only intended to meet with him once for a quick mental health fix, but he discerned that I needed far more than one appointment. Depression, suicidal ideation, and my eating disorder had all dug their claws in, and I wouldn't escape without help.
Through weekly sessions, my counselor asked tough questions and encouraged me to do deep dives into Scripture (2 Timothy 3:16-17). Slowly, I started to recognize the lies that I had so easily accepted as truth (Proverbs 11:14; Proverbs 15:22). As time went on, I began the process of unveiling and believing the truth in God's Word that could set me free from Satan's lies.
"Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls." —Matthew 11:28-29
Seeing Through the Lies
Can you relate to my experience with hateful voices that can crush our self-esteem, devalue us, or convince us our lives are worthless? If so, I'd like to share with you some truths that can help you combat and silence the lies of those voices.
LIE: "I am ugly."
TRUTH: "I am fearfully and wonderfully made (Psalm 139:14). I was skillfully crafted by my Creator before I was even born. God's eyes saw my unformed substance; in His book have been written every day that was formed for me—even before I was born (Psalm 139:16)."
LIE: "I am worthless."
TRUTH: "As a child of God, I have a new identity in Christ (2 Corinthians 5:17). According to Him, I am holy (1 Peter 1:14-16). I am a member of His royal family (1 Peter 2:9). I am a co-heir with Christ (Romans 8:17)."
LIE: "I am unloved."
TRUTH: "I don't have to work to be loved by God. I don't have to accomplish something impressive to the world for Him to find me valuable. He cares for me so much that He sacrificed Jesus' life in order to forgive me (John 3:16; 1 John 4:10)."
No matter how loud those hateful voices are, they are no match for the power, love, and strength of Jesus. He invites us to come to Him when we struggle (Matthew 11:28-30). He sympathizes with our weaknesses (Hebrews 4:15). And in our time of need, we can "draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace" (Hebrews 4:16). No matter what lies Satan throws at our minds, we can rest assured that if God is for us, nothing can stand against us—and nothing can separate us from His love (Romans 8:31-39).
If this kind of struggle is one you experience, especially if the voices involve suicidal ideation, I would like to encourage you to seek help. Reach out to God. Reach out to loved ones. Talk to your parents about counseling and even medication if necessary. God cares about our mental health, and we are allowed to use the resources available to us in order to find healing.
"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus." —Philippians 4:6-7
ALSO SEE:
- What is my identity in Christ?
- What does the Bible say about self hatred?
- How do I survive suicidal thoughts?
- What does the Bible say about self worth?
- When You've Done Everything But Feel Nothing
- Why do I feel like I'll never be good enough for God?
- How can I stop being a people pleaser?
- What does the Bible say about anger?
- What does the Bible say about shyness?
- What does the Bible say about dealing with mean people?
- How do I respond to bullies?
- What does the Bible say about mental illness?
- What does the Bible say about mental health?
- How can I overcome anxiety?
- How can I overcome social anxiety?
- What does the Bible say about panic attacks?
- What does the Bible say about depression?
- What does the Bible say about sadness?
TL;DR
Sometimes the hateful voices in our heads are so loud we feel powerless to shut them up. The truth is that we're NOT strong enough to fight such spiritual and mental battles on our own. We need God's Word to remind us of the truth so we can combat Satan's lies along with the support of loved ones who care. No matter how defeated our thoughts make us feel, we can rest assured that God will always come to the rescue of His children. The love of our Heavenly Father conquers every scheme of the enemy.
Writer: Grace Murphy
Grace is a passionate writer and musician who desires to radiate Christ's light in a generation of teens and young adults navigating their life in a world of spiritual darkness. Recent founder of Christian rock band Lighthouse Saints, she desires to spread the message of God’s truth and love through her songwriting and voice! Grace is also an aspiring freelancer who has worked professionally in writing, editing, and social media content creation. In her free time, Grace enjoys meeting new people, reading lots of books, jamming out with her friends, and writing (sometimes overly dramatic) poetry.
