What does the Bible say about shyness?

First off, lots of people (of all ages) may experience being shy or very introverted. You're not a social misfit for feeling this way. If you're in an unfamiliar or scary situation with people you don't know well, it's totally normal to want to shrink back a bit, stay in the background, or disappear into your own little corner. It's OK to be a more reserved or quiet person.

Fear-based Shyness

Sometimes shyness manifests due of some kind of fear—such as fear of rejection or being misunderstood. It's one thing to be nervous about giving a speech in history class (public speaking is #1 on the list of fears; death is #2), but it's quite another to be so shy that you are unable to make friends or interact with people at all.

This kind of shyness can be crippling to your life and is based on fear—fear that you won't be accepted, fear that people won't "get" you, fear that you will fail. This kind of fear can sometimes be evidence of a people pleaser's heart that is desperately seeking approval from others.

When you have God as your Heavenly Father, you can have confidence that He loves you dearly, that He is in control of every situation, and that He is working all things toward your best interests (Romans 8:28). He has already accepted you, and He is on your team. Romans 8:31 asks the question, "If God is for us, who can be against us?"

"For the Holy Spirit, God's gift, does not want you to be afraid of people, but to be wise and strong, and to love them and enjoy being with them." —2 Timothy 1:7

Read Psalm 19 to be encouraged about many of the things God wants to do for you. No, really, click that link and read it!

Seeking Acceptance

Extreme shyness or self-consciousness can be debilitating and harmful when it gets in the way of our relationship with God or with others or limits our ability to perceive true joy in our lives. This kind of shyness can lead to other mental health issues such as depression, general anxiety, and social anxiety.

Of course, we naturally want to be accepted by our fellow human beings—that's totally normal. But when that desire is so overwhelming that we forget who first accepted us when we were wretched and undesirable (1 John 4:19), then we have put the opinions of humans over the opinions of God.

"If then you have been raised with Christ, seek the things that are above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth. For you have died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. When Christ who is your life appears, then you also will appear with him in glory." —Colossians 3:1-3

In the words of David Crowder as he sings to God in Everything Glorious, "You make everything glorious / You make everything glorious / Yeah, You make everything glorious / And I am Yours / What does that make me?"

Living in Fear of Failure

A shyness that causes you to live your life in fear of failure is not the ideal life to lead. It's true that there will always be someone who doesn't like us for some reason—we can't be everyone's cup of tea! There are a lot of different people in the world, and it would be impossible to positively connect with everyone. In fact, the Bible says that if you live your life for Christ, then it's guaranteed that you'll tick someone off eventually (2 Timothy 3:12).

But remember, the opinions of people don't matter as much as God's opinion of you (Ephesians 6:6-7). Their feelings are a reflection on them—NOT YOU. And guess what? God knows everything about you (even what you hide), and He STILL thinks you're pretty awesome.

Proverbs 29:25 says, "The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe." That doesn't mean that life will be perfect—all puppies and daisies and happiness—but it does mean that if we have God on our side, He will take care of us in both the good and bad times.

Don't allow unfounded fears or self-consciousness to keep you from living in the open, serving others, and finding joy. It may be a scary world out there, but God's got your back.

Overcoming Shyness

The key to overcoming painful shyness (or at least beginning to deal with it) is the Holy Spirit. The Holy Spirit was sent to help us (John 14:26). If we can allow Him to give us strength instead of relying on ourselves (Isaiah 40:29), then we can better handle intimidating social situations. If we can learn to trust Him to be in control instead of making decisions based on our fear of the unknown (Galatians 5:16), then it will help take some of the pressure off when faced with hard situations.

Instead of embracing fear, embrace your dependence on God (Hebrews 11:6) and His love for you (1 John 4:18-19). How do you do this?

Allow yourself to melt into Scripture (Colossians 3:16; Romans 10:17). Reading the Bible and learning about God's character will help you understand that it is safe to put your confidence in Him (2 Timothy 3:16-17).

Take action based on trust in God's love. This can give you more confidence to live an intentional life, shining His light onto others and experience joy through interactions with others.

When our efforts make others feel important, valued, and appreciated, those things get reflected back onto us in our hearts. And isn't that what we all want? Don't let shyness get between you and giving that gift to someone else.

Band together with the other introverts. When you see another shy person, try to strike up a conversation. It may be awkward, but that's OK. Lean into the awkward! A funny moment is a great way to break the ice. Show them the acceptance that you have been given through Christ. Look for common interests—even if, at first, your commonality is only that you have a hard time coping with large groups of people! People love to talk about themselves, so ask them questions about their lives and interests.

Take perfection off your to-do list. Everybody makes mistakes and messes up or looks like a fool occasionally. It happens. To everybody. Most people feel like the most awkward person in the room, so you aren't alone. Laugh it off, and don't take your little mistakes too seriously. Sometimes humor is the perfect way to start a conversation!

Get up and get out. Don't allow yourself to stay glued to your phone in your tiny little bubble. Yes, our bubbles can be very nice, but it's good to invite people into your bubble once in a while. After all, YOU like it in there! You can learn a lot from other people's thoughts and experiences—not to mention that you have a lot to offer them too.

If you're naturally shy, you don't have to change your core self. God made you with a beautiful and unique personality, and you can find joy and serve Him exactly as you are. But if you find that shyness keeps you from ever sharing your faith, helping others, or building healthy relationships, or if it ever makes you feel stuck or holds you back from experiencing the good things God has for you, know that He can help you grow in confidence.

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