Is it wrong to seek approval?

Wanting the approval of others is not automatically sinful. Simply feeling confident about yourself, your appearance, or your circumstances is not sinful. We’re made for relationships, and encouragement from others can be a good motivator. But if our sense of self worth is solely dependent on what people think of us, that's a road to disappointment.

Sin happens in the heart—sins such as pride and idolatry. How can we tell if we're just feeling good in a healthy way or if we've crossed into the realm of sinful motivations? One suggestion: Self-examination.

How to Self-Examine

Ask yourself some pointed questions and answer them honestly to help you determine if your feelings about yourself are healthy and beneficial to your mental health and spirit or hurting you in sin.

• Am I prideful or superior about my situation, appearance, or belongings? Do you believe you are inherently better than other people? (1 John 2:16; Proverbs 16:5)
• Do I get my sense of self-worth from compliments and praise? If you don't receive a compliment on something you're proud of, do you get upset, frustrated, or angry? (Psalm 139:13-15; Luke 12:6-7)
• Am I chasing likes and hearts on my social media? Depending on the approval of others will ultimately lead to disappointment. (Galatians 1:10)
• Do I spend more time working on how others perceive me than I spend on developing my internal, godly character? (Psalm 16:4; Psalm 135:15-18) NOTE: This is not to be confused with simply having healthy sense of self worth or taking care of your physical, spiritual, and emotional needs. It's about where you place your attention MORE—on the outside or on the inside.

Jeremiah 17:10 says, "I the LORD search the heart and examine the mind, to reward each person according to their conduct, according to what their deeds deserve." God is more concerned with what is happening in our hearts, our minds, and our motivations. An obsession with ourselves will ultimately get in the way of becoming more Christlike. When we find those thoughts in our minds, that stuff probably needs to be pruned away (John 15:1-27).

If you've found that you value what others think of you over what God does, then those thoughts are going to end up hurting you. Even if we have people who praise and love us, many of us tend to then feel pressure to achieve or "do enough" to maintain that approval. And when we fail or make mistakes, our sense of self-worth may plummet—no matter how much others might try to build us up again.

God Values You

"Do not look on his appearance or on the height of his stature, because I have rejected him. For the Lord sees not as man sees: man looks on the outward appearance, but the Lord looks on the heart." —1 Samuel 16:7

If we base our self-worth on how God sees us, we'll find a much more solid foundation in WHY we are worth everything to God. God never changes and that goes for His love for us as well (Hebrews 13:8). Ask God to give you guidance on those questions and how you value yourself. If necessary, ask Him to help you change your attitude about it and give you guidance as to what to do to align yourself more with Christlikeness (James 1:5).

So, is it wrong to seek approval? It depends on whose approval you're after. As children of God, we've been called out of darkness and into the light. Matthew 5:16 says we should let our light shine before others, so they can see our good works and give glory to our Father who is in heaven.

"The Lord is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? The Lord is the stronghold of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?" —Psalm 27:1