When Friends Let Us Down

Being disappointed by friends is never an easy thing to deal with—whether they've just let you down when you were depending on them or they've betrayed your trust or if it seems they've outright abandoned the friendship. It's an awful, lonely feeling, and experiencing sorrow and distress from those things is valid.

I'm sorry if this describes the rough time you're going through right now. When our friends let us down, we may find ourselves filled with confusion and uncertainty. Our lives may be feel extremely unbalanced and leave us disillusioned about future friendships.

Jesus' Friends Abandon Him

If you feel your friends have abandoned you in your time of need, can I tell you that you're in very good company? On the very night that Jesus was sent to give His life for our sins, the Bible tells us that He was filled with emotion regarding what lay ahead (Luke 22:44). He sought comfort from His friends, the disciples. With His soul crushed under the pressure of what was to come, Jesus asked His friends to keep watch with Him while He prayed.

Seems like an easy enough request, right? "Just stay awake and be with me."

But Jesus' friends failed Him...miserably. Three separate times, Jesus found His friends asleep on the job (Mark 14:32-41). When He came upon them and found them sleeping the third time, He told them, "Ya know what, just keep sleeping—have your rest. No, wait. Nevermind, the biggest betrayal against me has come, so get up" (Mark 14:41-42, paraphrase).

Can't you just hear the exasperation in His voice? The disappointment in His words? The despair of utter abandonment by the couple of people He should have been able to count on to be there for Him?

I wonder if you're feeling some of the same things? I mean, here is Jesus, obviously independent, and with a plan. We know He doesn't need anything or anyone, yet in a moment of extreme difficulty, He turned to His friends. He knew His friends had the potential to provide a measure of comfort—and yet they did not.

Responding to Disappointment

How do we respond when our friends let us down, or completely abandon us, in our moment of need? Let's look at Jesus' response to those feelings...

Abandoned by those who should have been His closest friends, we could well imagine that Jesus could have chosen anger. Or perhaps bitterness. Maybe even a desire to hold a grudge. After all, we've all felt those things. Except...Jesus never chose those responses.

Jesus loved His friends to the very end. He continued His plan to die so that they might live. He forgave all of them of their sin. He loved them when they were acting in utterly unlovable ways.

What Christlike Forgiveness Looks Like

1. Be vulnerable with your friends and let them know you need them. Jesus did—so don't feel you need to be overly independent. (Mark 14:34)
2. Be a good friend, even if your friends are not. (Proverbs 17:17)
3. Express your disappointments in a manner that lets your friend know you want the friendship to be stronger. (Ephesians 4:15)
4. Forgive. A lot. (Matthew 18:21-22)
5. Restore your friend (if possible). Jesus predicted that Peter would deny Him three times. Peter did indeed do that, and he felt like a world class jerk. After Jesus died and rose again, He restored Peter by giving him three opportunities to express his love for his friend (John 21:15-17).

When a friend is remorseful, please consider forgiving and letting them know they mean as much to you as before. Friends who can resolve conflicts, hurt, or betrayal in healthy ways enjoy stronger friendships on the other side. If they're unrepentant or respond in toxic ways, then it's OK to give them space until healthy boundaries can be established.

God is Our Most Reliable Friend

The trouble with humans is that they will inevitably let you down from time to time. But we should keep in mind that God created us to be relational for a reason. We grow as people because of our awkward and stumbling attempts at friendship—and eventually, if God brings the right people, we find our true friends.

As we have various experiences with different humans, we learn pretty quickly that we must learn to have patience, to forgive, and to extend grace. Perhaps this season of loss in your life is designed to help you to grow in some of these areas to enrich future friendships. Or perhaps this time is an invitation for you to lean in closer to the best friend you could ever have—Jesus Christ.

Either way, we are promised that God uses all of our circumstances for our good (Romans 8:28). Please be encouraged, friend. There's meaning in the difficult and sad days—just as much as in the good ones.

"We know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them." —Romans 8:28 (NLT)

ALSO SEE:

• How can I forgive someone who betrays me?
• What is true friendship?
• When Friends Reject Your Faith
• When Friendships End
• What does the Bible say about dealing with toxic relationships?
• How to Be a Better Friend
• How to Have Healthy Boundaries
• What does the Bible say about loneliness?
• Does the Bible say to forgive and forget?
• How can I forgive those who sin against me?
• How can I forgive someone who betrays me?