I know masturbation is not an easy thing to talk about. Don’t think for a minute that God isn’t there or that you can’t overcome this (Philippians 4:13). Masturbation is an extremely difficult thing to overcome, and many Christians, both men and women, struggle with it. Living in a fallen world, in a fallen body, we’re all going to have temptations and failures. Some of those hit certain people harder than others. Rest assured that God will forgive you, and He loves you, and that there are ways you can fight this temptation.
Whether you choose to tell your parents about this struggle is up to you. If you sincerely don’t think they can provide help or that they won't understand, you’re not obligated to bring them into your confidence. So you don’t have to tell them but neither do you have to keep it to yourself. Speaking with other people about our addictions and struggles is a good way to begin learning to overcome them. A pastor, trusted friend, or a mental health therapist might be additional options.
In the moment, it’s hard to imagine that you could ever get lust and masturbation out of your mind (Jeremiah 17:9). But it IS possible, and the more you’re willing to trust in God to give you strength, the more strength you’ll find in that area.
The most useful advice I can give is to avoid temptation in the first place. Certain TV shows, movies, literature, songs, images, or even people can trigger lustful thoughts. You know what “sets you off,” and that means you have an advantage. If you strive—prayerfully and in submission to God—to avoid those things, you can make it much easier to avoid that sin.
You can’t remove it from your life 100%; the world will always find a way to tempt you (1 Corinthians 5:9-11). But over time, you can develop the strength to resist (1 Corinthians 10:13). Sometimes that’s very difficult. But if you know that certain TV shows, movies, songs, books, images, or even people are inspiring lust, then you need to keep away from them. It’s much, much easier to resist temptation when you’re not facing it every second of every day or even on a semi-regular basis. Our own choices about what words and images we allow into our minds and who we listen to have a huge impact on that.
Once you have determined your boundaries, ask God for the strength to say “no” when faced with the choice to commit that sin. And when you are faced with the choice, CHOOSE to starve lustful desires. CHOOSE to refrain from feeding them with what they want.
Masturbation is a habit and, for most people, that means it can be overcome using a similar approach as we would with other habits. If you can resist doing it just one time—“this” time—you can more easily resist it the next time. Every time, it should get easier than the time before. But you still need to MAKE the choice.
God isn't going to magically make you walk away from temptation. We have free will, and thus we have the power to choose health or harm. As you get used to avoiding temptation and resisting the sin, it becomes easier and easier. After a while, you’ll find those urges are less and less, and it becomes easier to avoid.
Other than boundaries and prayer, probably the most important step you can take is to be in contact with someone trusted, such as a pastor or a more experienced Christian. Having someone to speak to, face-to-face, is very helpful. That doesn’t mean you need to share every tiny detail. But it does mean being open to someone else’s prayers and input on your behalf. They can check in on you too, helping you stay accountable to holding to your boundaries.
Having boundaries and a determination to choose better doesn’t mean you’ll never slip back from time to time. God does not guarantee the temptation will completely go away. God doesn’t want you to feel defeated or enslaved by something like this (Romans 6:6-7). He offers you tools to overcome it and is very pleased when you choose to use them. What you’re facing is not easy. But you are not alone and there is plenty of reason to be hopeful.
Accept the fact that you can’t change this—but God can. You are probably going to make mistakes and feel guilty about it. That does NOT mean you’ve failed or that God is giving up on you or that you now have to “start over.” You can confess it, learn from it, and move on with a better understanding of what to do in the future (1 John 1:9; James 1:2-4).
Over time, having boundaries, prayer, and accountability will make it easier and easier to resist temptation. You’d be surprised at how things that seem impossible to resist right now can become almost meaningless later.
Be encouraged and remember that there are fellow Christians—like me!—who have been where you are and who are praying for you. You CAN do this! Be patient with yourself, give yourself the grace God has granted you, and rely on God’s power—not your own.
—Jeff
Jeff is a staff writer with Got Questions Ministries and used to be a mechanical engineer. When he's not accidentally setting things on fire in his workshop, or petting strange dogs, he loves helping people better understand God’s Word and how it applies to our lives. Jeff's calling is to untangle the "big picture" of Christian faith, making it easier to understand.
