Sex is something that is everywhere in society today. Unfortunately, our world tells us that to be socially relevant or to really prove we love someone, we need to be having sex. And it doesn't help that your body is going through a lot of physical and chemical changes as you mature during these years. Increased hormone levels are going to cause you to have sexual feelings, not to mention that your experience and knowledge is expanding every day, giving your mind things to think about that you never considered before.
The truth is, though, that having or not having sex or what our sexual preferences are do not define who we are as people. There's so much more to us than that.
Sometimes, sexual needs and desires are a symptom of something missing in our lives. Our innate need as humans is to be loved, to be wanted, and because of certain external things, those deep-rooted needs created in us by God can be turned into hurtful and painful things. People don't always choose sex to fulfill that desire for love and attention, but it's so easy to think that it is sex that will somehow make everything better.
God is love, and in our very human, imperfect state, He has made us to need Him. When we are told that love is equal to sex, then we start to think that we need sex in order to feel loved. Don't get me wrong though. Sex IS, within marriage, an expression of love, even an act of love—but it is not, in itself, love.
When you are looking to treat the symptoms of sexual needs and desires, it might be worth while to look at it as a symptom, and not a cause. Does that make sense? Let me explain a bit more...
Our bodies need exercise and movement and physical growth in order to mature. As young people, we often have strong biological hormonal needs too. This, added to our desire to be loved, can create a perfect storm of both physical and emotional needs. Fulfilling all of the actual needs will help to treat the symptoms.
First, to fufill your physical needs, you could work out through exercise, join a sport, or even just dance in your bedroom. All those strenuous physical activities will help alleviate the discomfort that comes with hormonal shifts. Second, a healthy diet can do wonders to balance our your hormones. Also, learning how to express emotions in a healthy manner is going to help overall too. Journaling, painting, singing, or doing anything else that you are passionate about can help that.
Finally, and most importantly, we must find a way to fulfill our need to be loved. Because our humanity deeply needs God, we can treat our symptoms only with that very need: God.
Prayer, reading the Bible, taking part in Bible studies and Christian communities, worshipping God, and serving others—all these things can help fill that desire for love, for connection to something greater. God also created us to be communal people. Taking part in clubs, team sports, and groups at church can also help us by allowing us to have true, meaningful relationships with other people.
Sexual needs and desires are not something to be just dismissed and pushed away. Yes, they are very real, and they WILL find their way to fulfillment one way or another. There is a reason that there is an addiction rate to porn of 1 in every 4 people. However, if we look at premarital sexual desires as a symptom and not a cause, it might make the struggle more bearable.
Sex, within the context of marriage, is a beautiful act of trust and love. Outside of marriage, sex will lead to emotional and physical conflicts inside and out. To distract yourself from physical desire, try doing other physical things like exercising, painting, walking the dog, cleaning your room, etc. It's not a perfect solution, but it will provide an out from temptations like porn, masturbation, or premarital sex. Sexual desire before marriage is normal, but it may also be a symptom that something else is missing in your life; something that only God can satisfy with His perfect love.
Bambino del Dio is a young graphic designer who loves life, and is always looking to try new things. She enjoys art, writing, and collecting rubber duckies.