How to Stop Worrying About What Others Think

"I'm not trying to win the approval of people, but of God. If pleasing people were my goal, I would not be Christ's servant." —Galatians 1:10 (NLT)

If we're growing up in an environment where high academic performance, personal perfection, or unrealistic behavior expectations are a part of life, then there's going to be some mental programming we'll need to overcome eventually. When these kinds of pressures are put on us, then people pleasing, overthinking, and worrying about others' perceptions often become a part of our mental gymnastics.

We may become obsessed with being the "best" or struggle with comparing ourselves to others or judging ourselves harshly when we don't meet our goals. As followers of Christ, this puts our priorities in the wrong place—seeking the approval of others rather than glorifying God (Galatians 1:10).

So how do we stop worrying about how others see us? How do we direct our focus on God instead? Let's start by examining why we care what others think in the first place.

Why do we care?

Whenever we're doing the same thing as others—whether it's in class, at a job, or between our siblings—it's a common practice to compare ourselves to everyone else in the same position. Maybe someone seems faster than us, smarter than us, more attractive or skilled, or better liked than we are.

Then we start to worry that everyone has noticed our shortcomings and sees our insecurities. The fear of not measuring up to what's expected begins to creep in. We worry that we might be left behind, looked down on, or rejected. Over time, we start seeing others as our competition while also fighting desperately for their approval and favor.

If we find ourselves caring way too much about what others think, it's important to examine our circumstances and environment to see where these feelings of self-doubt may have come from so we can address the source.

Was there an authority figure who constantly pushed you to "do better"? Were you given expectations that were not appropriate for your age or ability? Were you made to feel ashamed or worthless about who you are? These kinds of high-pressure situations and unhealthy relationships are often the root of our fears, lack of confidence, and desire for acceptance.

When Spiritual Abuse is a Factor

Spiritual abuse is when the Word and authority of God are misused to place unbiblical expectations or stipulations on salvation and a relationship with God. Unbiblical teaching often instills thoughts like, "I have to be a missionary or I'm a bad Christian" or "If I don't do X, then God will be mad at me."

This outlook can be so extreme that it becomes nearly impossible to say "no" when someone asks for favors, to stand up for ourselves, to set healthy boundaries, or even to feel good about enjoying life. Our sense of autonomy or control over our actions (or even our lives) may feel terribly violated.

While we should certainly desire to bless other people with our service and good works, our motives should not come from a place of shame or fear. Colossians 3:23-24 tells us to "work willingly at whatever you do, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people. Remember that the Lord will give you an inheritance as your reward, and that the Master you are serving is Christ."

Pointing Ourselves to The Truth

"For we are God's masterpiece. He has created us anew in Christ Jesus, so we can do the good things he planned for us long ago." —Ephesians 2:10 (NLT)

Once we can pinpoint where our fearful or people-pleasing mentalities are coming from, we can better direct ourselves to God's truth about the situation. If it's a parent who's been pushing you, it may be helpful to understand that God is a loving Father who has adopted you as His child (John 1:12; 1 John 3:1). If someone has made you feel like you're not worthy or don't deserve love because you're not "good enough," it may help to understand that God loves you unconditionally (1 John 4:10; 1 John 4:8).

Our Heavenly Father has promised us eternal life through His Son Jesus (John 14:6), and He always keeps His promises (2 Peter 3:9). No matter how "bad" you think you are or how far you feel you've run from Him, God will always take you in and take you back when you turn your eyes to Him (Romans 8:31-39).

Our Perspective on Identity

"So we have stopped evaluating others from a human point of view. At one time we thought of Christ merely from a human point of view. How differently we know him now! This means that anyone who belongs to Christ has become a new person. The old life is gone; a new life has begun!" —2 Corinthians 5:16-17 (NLT)

Our fear of disappointing others or not being good enough is sometimes based on a misplaced identity. When we base our identity on how other people see us or what they think of us, then we can't honor our true selves and who God made us to be (2 Corinthians 5:16-17). When we let another person's perception define us, we're bound for confusion, pain, and disillusionment. It's exhausting (and impossible) to be everyone's favorite.

Before I received biblical counseling, my sense of identity was entirely based on how other people saw me. In fact, when my counselor asked for my opinion, I would always bring up other peoples' opinions. I felt so insecure about my own perceptions that I depended on others to shape my view of myself, my worth, and the world.

I eventually learned that my identity as an adopted child of God means that others don't get to dictate who I am. God tells us that our worthiness is entirely based on His works, His goodness, and His character. If you're going through something similar, bring your fears and insecurities to God (Psalm 34:4) and focus on how He sees you—as a valuable and beloved child of the One True God (Romans 8:15-17), a precious human (1 Corinthians 6:19-20), and a new creation in Christ Jesus (2 Corinthians 5:17).

ALSO SEE:

• What does it mean to glorify God?
• How can I stop comparing myself to others?
• Is it wrong to seek approval?
• What is my identity in Christ?
• How can I overcome peer pressure?
• How can I stop being a people pleaser?
• What does the Bible say about stress?
• What does the Bible say about overthinking?
• What does the Bible say about insecurity?
• How can I get over feeling rejected?
• Why do I feel like I'll never be good enough for God?
• How do I stop thinking of God as imposing and angry?
• What does the Bible say about self-worth?
• What does the Bible say about confidence?