When can I start dating?

When asking ourselves when we're "allowed" to start dating or when is an "acceptable" age to start dating, we need to remember that every person is a unique individual. So it's hard to give a blanket answer of what's "acceptable" when we're talking about everyone. Each person is different—with specific situations and varying levels of maturity. Something that is beneficial for one person may not be OK for another.

Also, keep in mind 1 Corinthians 10:23 (NLT), which says, "You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'—but not everything is good for you. You say, 'I am allowed to do anything'—but not everything is beneficial." We have many freedoms through Christ, but that doesn't mean that everything will be healthy or good for you.

Examine Your Readiness with Biblical Principles

"For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart." —Hebrews 4:12

Relationships of ANY kind matter to God, so it's important to move forward with wisdom. We can use biblical principles to examine our readiness for pursuing a romantic relationship. After all, our levels of spiritual maturity and personal growth will make all the difference in how it goes as we begin a serious relationship.

1. Obey your parents.

"Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 'Honor your father and mother' (this is the first commandment with a promise), 'that it may go well with you and that you may live long in the land.'" —Ephesians 6:1-3

If your parents have said that you're not allowed to date, then you must obey their rules. Proverbs 1:8 says, "Hear, my son, your father's instruction, and forsake not your mother's teaching..." Colossians 3:20 says, "Children, obey your parents in everything, for this pleases the Lord."

There's no Scripture to give us an exact age for dating to begin, so, as a teenager, it's important to respect your parents' house rules.

2. Evaluate your motivations.

"The good person out of the good treasure of his heart produces good, and the evil person out of his evil treasure produces evil, for out of the abundance of the heart his mouth speaks." —Luke 6:45

If your parents have said dating is OK for you now, then you move onto the second thing, which is evaluating your motivations. WHY do you want to date? What is it about dating that attracts you to the idea? Do you want a romantic relationship that could lead to marriage? Or are you just trying to have fun or chase physical desires?

If your reasons for wanting to date are focused on selfish gain or personal happiness, then those are honestly unhealthy motivations. Relationships are not about US; they are about serving someone else. If a girl just wants a boyfriend so she has someone to tell her she's pretty and take her to prom, that's a self-centered reason. If a guy just wants a girlfriend so his friends will stop hassling him about being a single virgin, then that's a selfish reason.

Our motivations ought to be honoring the other person with Christlike love and respect. If we aren't there yet, that's OK. The Bible encourages us to protect our hearts and not rush into things due to pressure or selfish reasons.

3. Let your love be genuine.

Romans 12:9-10 says that we should "let love be genuine" and to "love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor." Our love should not be selfish or self-serving but rather kind and patient (1 Corinthians 13:4-7). For the Christian, the purpose of dating is to begin the process of moving toward a committed relationship with someone you love and respect. We shouldn't enter into it on a whim or without forethought.

What does this kind of love look like? Well, it looks a lot like a really awesome friendship actually—a friendship with another believer (2 Corinthians 6:14-15).

Genuine love looks like you becoming such close friends with someone that you would call that person your best friend. It looks like a friend who cares just as much about you as you do about them (Romans 12:9-10). It looks like a trust between a guy and a girl that knows no bounds and is focused on loving the way God intended (1 Corinthians 13:4-8). It looks like two best friends who respect each other enough to encourage one another in their faith and stand behind their morals and convictions to remain sexually pure (1 Thessalonians 5:11).

Our first commitment should be to the Lord (Matthew 10:37), then those in need, then romance can come in later. Yes, romance is a lovely thing, and God designed marriage so that a man and woman could enjoy and support each other for a lifetime together. But if you are not in a position to pursue marriage, then dating may simply be a distraction that takes away your focus from growing in your relationship with God.

Do All Things for God's Glory

"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God." —1 Corinthians 10:31

Is committing to a romantic relationship going to help you glorify God at this point in your life? If not, or if it would cause you to get distracted from what God wants you to do, then this is probably not a good time for you to start dating. If a significant other becomes your "everything," then you're putting your romance before God (Galatians 5:20; Colossians 3:5).

Dating or courting or whatever you want to call it can be a great way to solidify an already super strong friendship if your parents have given their blessing, God is at the center, and you are both ready to step it up. If you want to shoot for a lifelong, God-honoring union with your best friend, then that is when you know it's time to start a romance (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:5). There's no rush or imaginary timeline. Waiting for the right person and the right time, when you're BOTH ready, will lead to a more fulfilling relationship in the end.

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