Why can't I stop masturbating?

Masturbation is not an easy thing to discuss. No one wants to talk about it, but everyone has had it on their minds. Don't think for a minute that God isn't there or that you can't overcome this temptation (Philippians 4:13). Masturbation is an extremely difficult thing to overcome, and many Christians, both men and women, struggle with it.

Living in a fallen world, in a fallen body, we're all going to have temptations and failures. Sexual temptation sometimes hits harder than everything else. Rest assured that God will always forgive you and loves you. And there are definitely ways you can fight this temptation.

It may be hard to imagine that you could ever get lust and masturbation out of your mind (Jeremiah 17:9). But it IS possible, and the more you're willing to trust in God to give you strength, the more strength you'll find in that area (2 Corinthians 12:9).

Confession Leads to Healing

"Confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results." —James 5:16 (NLT)

The first confession is talking to God (1 John 1:9). He knows what's going on already, so begin the discussion with Him. Then, while it may be very awkward, it can be extremely helpful to bring another human being into your struggle. Just having it out in the open can be incredibly healing. Whether you choose to tell your parents or a trusted friend is up to you. If you sincerely don't think anyone can provide help or that they won't understand, you're not obligated to bring them into your confidence.

No, you don't have to tell anyone—but neither do you have to keep it to yourself. Speaking with other people about our addictions and struggles is a good way to begin learning to overcome them. A pastor or a mental health therapist might be additional options.

Setting Up Boundaries

"Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." —1 Peter 5:8

The most useful practical advice is to avoid temptation in the first place. Certain TV shows, movies, books, songs, images, or even people can trigger lustful thoughts. Examine your thoughts and take note of what "sets you off." Once you know your triggers, you'll have an advantage over those temptations.

Set up boundaries for yourself to protect your eyes and thoughts from the kind of content that tempts you. If you strive—prayerfully and in submission to God—to avoid those things, you can make it much easier to avoid that sin.

If you know that certain TV shows, movies, songs, books, images, or even people are inspiring lustful fantasies, then you need to keep away from them. It's much, much easier to resist temptation when you're not facing it every second of every day or even on a semi-regular basis. Our own choices about what words and images we allow into our minds and who we listen to have a huge impact on that.

Of course, you can't remove 100% of all temptations from your life. The world will always find ways to tempt you (1 Corinthians 5:9-11). But over time, you can develop the strength to resist (1 Corinthians 10:13).

Ask God for Help

Once you've determined your boundaries, ask God for the strength to say "no" when faced with the choice to commit that sin. And when the moment comes, choose to starve lustful desires. Choose to refrain from feeding those desires with what they want.

Masturbation is a habit and, for most people, that means it can be overcome using a similar approach as we would with other habits. If you can resist doing it just ONE time—"this" time—you can more easily resist it the next time. Every time you do this, it should get easier than the time before. But you still need to MAKE the choice—even when it's difficult.

God isn't going to magically make you walk away from temptation. We have free will, and therefore, we have the power to choose health or harm. As you get used to avoiding temptation and resisting this sin, it'll become easier and easier. After a while, you'll find those urges happen less and less, and it becomes easier to avoid.

Find an Accountability Partner

Other than boundaries and prayer, probably the most important step you can take is to find an accountability partner who can help you. This should be someone you trust and who cares about you—ideally a loved one who is spiritually-mature.

Having someone to speak to, face-to-face, or text when temptations arise, can be very helpful. That doesn't mean you need to share every tiny detail. But it does mean being open to someone else's prayers and input on your behalf. They can check in on you too, helping you stay accountable to maintaining your boundaries.

What if I mess up?

Having boundaries, accountability, and a determination to choose better doesn't mean you'll never make mistakes. God does not guarantee the temptation will completely go away. Yet He doesn't want you to feel defeated or enslaved by something like this (Romans 6:6-7). He offers you tools to overcome and is very pleased when you choose to use them (1 Corinthians 10:13). What you're facing is not easy. But you are not alone and there is plenty of reason to be hopeful.

Accept the fact that you can't change this—but God can. You're probably going to make mistakes and feel guilty about it. That does NOT mean you've failed or that God is giving up on you or that you now have to "start over." You can confess your sins, learn from the consequences, and move on with a better understanding of what to do in the future (1 John 1:9).

Learn & Grow Through Struggle

"Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles of any kind come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing." —James 1:2-4 (NLT)

Over time, having boundaries, practicing self-control, praying, and having accountability will make it easier and easier to resist temptation. You'll be surprised at how things that seem impossible to resist right now can become almost meaningless later.

Be encouraged and remember that there are many fellow Christians who have been where you are and who are praying for you. You CAN do this. Be patient with yourself, give yourself the grace God has granted you, and rely on God's power—not your own.

"We know that our old sinful selves were crucified with Christ so that sin might lose its power in our lives. We are no longer slaves to sin." —Romans 6:6 (NLT)

ALSO SEE:

• Why is sexual sin such a big deal?
• Why is accountability important?
• Is masturbation a sin?
• What is lust?
• Is temptation a sin?
• How can I overcome temptation?
• How do I overcome a habitual sin?
• How can I stop wanting to sin?
• Is it a sin to look at an attractive person?
• What's wrong with watching pornography?
• How do I escape pornography addiction?
• What does the Bible say about sex addiction?
• How can I control my hormones and sexual urges?
• How can a Christian satisfy sexual needs and desires before marriage?