Why is sexual sin such a big deal?

"For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality." —1 Thessalonians 4:3

Sexual sin is one of those things that we find our readers are super curious about. You guys are wondering, what's the big deal? Why does God care what I do with my own body? Everybody else is fine with sexual expression, so why is it such a bad thing for Christians? Doesn't it go against our natural human drives and desires? Isn't it unhealthy to just "hold it all in"?

Sexual immorality takes many forms: sexual thoughts about other people (a.k.a. lust; Matthew 5:28), masturbation, sex outside of marriage, pornography, and many others. Ephesians 5:3 says, "But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints."

Sexual Sin is Serious

"Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a person commits is outside the body, but the sexually immoral person sins against his own body." —1 Corinthians 6:18

The apostle Paul tells us to RUN from sexual immorality—that's how incredibly serious it is. So when we're feeling tempted to sin, what are we to do? The key to fighting any sin is to realize that we are incapable of doing it on our own.

Paul recognized that our "will power" is pretty weak as humans. He wrote that "nothing good lives in me, that is, in my flesh" (Romans 7:18). "For the desires of the flesh are against the Spirit, and the desires of the Spirit are against the flesh, for these are opposed to each other, to keep you from doing the things you want to do" (Galatians 5:17).

Before His crucifixion, Jesus prayed, "Sanctify them in the truth; your word is truth" (John 17:17). We need to rely on God and the Bible for our victory over sin—not ourselves. The fight for sexual purity can seem impossible, but it isn't impossible. Through the power of the Holy Spirit, many men and women have triumphed over sexual sin.

The Stew of Sexual Sin

In regards to sexual sin, I oftentimes offer the story of Esau and his birthright. Take a look at this passage from Genesis 26:

"Once when Jacob was cooking stew, Esau came in from the field, and he was exhausted. And Esau said to Jacob, 'Let me eat some of that red stew, for I am exhausted!' (Therefore his name was called Edom.) Jacob said, 'Sell me your birthright now.' Esau said, 'I am about to die; of what use is a birthright to me?' Jacob said, 'Swear to me now.' So he swore to him and sold his birthright to Jacob. Then Jacob gave Esau bread and lentil stew, and he ate and drank and rose and went his way. Thus Esau despised his birthright." —Genesis 29:29-34

The birthright was essentially a right of family inheritance in Old Testament days. The owner of the birthright, who was almost always the firstborn son, would become the head of the household when the father died, and would also receive a special "right" when inheriting the possessions of his deceased father. The birthright was an honor and something of extremely significant value.

What Esau did was trade something of great value for a soup that would last him a few minutes at best. It's almost laughable looking at it now. But is it not true for our own sin though? Especially in regards to sexual sin, we grieve our Lord in exchange for a few minutes of pleasure. That's a ridiculously poor trade-off! Sexual sin gives us a little bit of pleasure for a short amount of time—yet at a massive cost.

The Cost of Sexual Sin

God designed sex to be pleasurable, so that's why our bodies desire it and all the sensations that come with it. It's natural to have sexual feelings. And yet, God's intention with sex was to let it be a sacred expression of the deepest intimacy between a man and a woman. This act should be cherished and reserved for the ONE person you have trusted completely, who is 100% committed to you (and any future children) through a marriage relationship.

Premarital sex often leads to relationship complications, confusion, miscommunication, and heartbreak, because the level of commitment experienced by a husband and wife just isn't there in dating (or casual/swing) relationships.

"So flee youthful passions and pursue righteousness, faith, love, and peace, along with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart." —2 Timothy 2:22

We know that God wants all good, beneficial things for us, and that His discipline reflects how much He truly loves us and wants to protect us. Following God's will for sexual purity in our lives is only going to be helpful in the end—even if some things don't make sense at the time (Proverbs 3:5-6).

Accountability in Purity

Maybe you feel like you can't talk with your parents about relationships and their consequences. But God puts our parents in our lives for a reason. In our younger, foolish years, they are meant to be a safeguard for us, to be obeyed and honored (Ephesians 6:1-2).

Allow yourself to talk to your parents on these matters—even if the crooked culture would say otherwise. If your parents are not an option for whatever reason, it is still very important to have some kind of biblical, godly counsel in your life—perhaps a pastor, trusted relative, close Christian friend, or even a counselor. We need other believers!

"And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another..." —Hebrews 10:24-25

I strongly encourage you to find a Bible-teaching church if you do not belong to one already. Proverbs 11:14 says, "Where there is no guidance, a people falls, but in an abundance of counselors there is safety." GotQuestions.org has a great resource HERE to help you find a biblically-sound, local church.

Motivation Check

"Put to death therefore what is earthly in you: sexual immorality, impurity, passion, evil desire, and covetousness, which is idolatry." —Colossians 3:5

Be careful to watch over your desires for a spouse. Some may wish to get married just so they can finally get to have sex and know what it's like. Make sure that God is the highest treasure and priority in your life. Do not allow an impulse for a spouse to become an all-consuming covetousness—especially if the only real motivation for a spouse is to have sex.

But what about what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7, you may ask? Well, let's take a look:

"To the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am. But if they cannot exercise self-control, they should marry. For it is better to marry than to burn with passion." —1 Corinthians 7:8-9

In the context of this letter, Paul isn't suggesting that someone should rush into marriage just because they have a crazy sex drive. He's saying that if a committed (but unmarried) couple is very tempted with sexual immorality, then they should marry quickly so that they do not sin. He addresses this a little later in the chapter:

"if a man thinks that he's treating his fiancée improperly and will inevitably give in to his passion, let him marry her as he wishes. It is not a sin." —1 Corinthians 7:36 (NLT)

Remember, sexual sin is akin to selling off an item of incredible value for a soup that will be gone in a few minutes. Sexual purity must be sustained at all costs to protect the treasure you have that is reserved for a future spouse. Do not allow your desire for companionship become so strong that it leads itself to covetousness. Focus first on your own personal growth and purity, then consider if you're ready for a romantic relationship.

Fighting Sexual Sin

Ultimately, the Holy Spirit is the one who enables us to fight sin, exercise self-control, and resist temptations. We receive the Holy Spirit when we put our faith in Christ (John 3:16-17). Once forgiven, the fight continues. Make yourself accountable to another person (James 5:16; Galatians 6:1-5), continually pray for escapes from temptation (1 Corinthians 10:13), and develop a realistic plan of action for those times of weakness (Proverbs 25:28; 2 Peter 1:5-7).

Indulging in sexual immorality eventually leads to personal harm, painful consequences, and feeling far from God. That's why we're instructed to RUN from sexual immorality—not toward it. Christ followers aren't forbidden from experiencing pleasure (Psalm 16:11), but we shouldn't find ourselves slaves to pleasure (1 Corinthians 6:12-17). It's not going to be easy, but, my friend, it is NOT impossible.

"Make every effort to respond to God's promises. Supplement your faith with a generous provision of moral excellence, and moral excellence with knowledge, and knowledge with self-control, and self-control with patient endurance, and patient endurance with godliness..." —2 Peter 1:5-6 (NLT)

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